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We asked the public and the community in our Ambiguous Loss Support Group to share the myths, misconceptions, and assumptions they have experienced about their ambiguous loss and grief.
Their responses helped shape the myths and facts on this page, some of which we shared during Ambiguous Loss Awareness Day 2026. We have also included some additional myths to help challenge common misunderstandings. |
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MYTH:
"I can only grieve someone who has died."
FACT: Grief occurs with many types of losses - you can grieve someone who is alive. Ambiguous loss is when someone or something is absent, changed, or uncertain, even when there is no death. You can grieve a person’s changed identity, your relationship, or the future you imagined. See our What is Ambiguous Loss page.
"I can only grieve someone who has died."
FACT: Grief occurs with many types of losses - you can grieve someone who is alive. Ambiguous loss is when someone or something is absent, changed, or uncertain, even when there is no death. You can grieve a person’s changed identity, your relationship, or the future you imagined. See our What is Ambiguous Loss page.
MYTH:
“I should be able to move on once I accept my ambiguous loss.”
FACT: Ambiguous loss often has no clear ending, which can make it difficult to process and accept. Grief has no deadline or set timeline - it is not a single event, but something we carry with us. The aim is not to ‘get over it’, but to learn how to live alongside uncertainty and adapt to a changed reality, even when the loss remains painful and ongoing. If you need support with this, get in touch.
“I should be able to move on once I accept my ambiguous loss.”
FACT: Ambiguous loss often has no clear ending, which can make it difficult to process and accept. Grief has no deadline or set timeline - it is not a single event, but something we carry with us. The aim is not to ‘get over it’, but to learn how to live alongside uncertainty and adapt to a changed reality, even when the loss remains painful and ongoing. If you need support with this, get in touch.
MYTH:
"If I don’t cry, I’m not grieving my ambiguous loss.”
FACT: Grief has many expressions, and tears are only one way it can show up. Grief may be felt through emotions, thoughts, physical sensations, changes in behaviour, memories, creativity, anger, withdrawal, or a deep sense of longing. Everyone’s grief is shaped by their own experiences, relationship, culture, personality, and circumstances. There is no single ‘right’ way to grieve. Take a look at our research and findings in the All At Sea report.
"If I don’t cry, I’m not grieving my ambiguous loss.”
FACT: Grief has many expressions, and tears are only one way it can show up. Grief may be felt through emotions, thoughts, physical sensations, changes in behaviour, memories, creativity, anger, withdrawal, or a deep sense of longing. Everyone’s grief is shaped by their own experiences, relationship, culture, personality, and circumstances. There is no single ‘right’ way to grieve. Take a look at our research and findings in the All At Sea report.
MYTH:
“If others don’t understand my loss, it must not be significant.”
FACT: Ambiguous losses are often invisible to others, which can make them especially isolating and difficult to explain. A lack of recognition does not make the loss any less real. Many people experience disenfranchised grief, where their loss is minimised, misunderstood, or not openly acknowledged by others. When in this position, it can be harder to make sense of the experience and find support. Having your loss witnessed, validated, and acknowledged is an important part of navigating ambiguous loss.
“If others don’t understand my loss, it must not be significant.”
FACT: Ambiguous losses are often invisible to others, which can make them especially isolating and difficult to explain. A lack of recognition does not make the loss any less real. Many people experience disenfranchised grief, where their loss is minimised, misunderstood, or not openly acknowledged by others. When in this position, it can be harder to make sense of the experience and find support. Having your loss witnessed, validated, and acknowledged is an important part of navigating ambiguous loss.
MYTH:
“Time heals all wounds.”
FACT: Grief has no timeline and time alone does not necessarily resolve ambiguous loss or make it easier to manage. Some ambiguous losses last a lifetime. Support, validation, meaning-making, and adapting to uncertainty can help people find a way to live with ongoing grief and ambiguous loss. Take a look at the support we offer.
“Time heals all wounds.”
FACT: Grief has no timeline and time alone does not necessarily resolve ambiguous loss or make it easier to manage. Some ambiguous losses last a lifetime. Support, validation, meaning-making, and adapting to uncertainty can help people find a way to live with ongoing grief and ambiguous loss. Take a look at the support we offer.
MYTH:
“I have to be strong while grieving my ambiguous loss.”
FACT: Strength does not mean hiding your feelings, coping alone, or pretending the loss does not affect you. Ambiguous loss can bring complex and conflicting emotions, and acknowledging vulnerability, seeking support, and allowing yourself to grieve are all signs of strength. Sometimes people interpret ‘strength’ as carrying on with life, when there isn’t really a choice. Can you relate?
“I have to be strong while grieving my ambiguous loss.”
FACT: Strength does not mean hiding your feelings, coping alone, or pretending the loss does not affect you. Ambiguous loss can bring complex and conflicting emotions, and acknowledging vulnerability, seeking support, and allowing yourself to grieve are all signs of strength. Sometimes people interpret ‘strength’ as carrying on with life, when there isn’t really a choice. Can you relate?
MYTH:
“Grieving an ambiguous loss means I can’t be happy.”
FACT: Grief is not a constant state of sadness. You can miss what has been lost, feel pain and uncertainty, and still experience joy, connection, and meaningful moments. Happiness does not cancel out grief - it exists alongside it. To find moments of happiness does not mean you have forgotten or accepted the ambiguous loss. It means you are adapting to a reality that is uncertain. Check out our Ways to Cope page.
“Grieving an ambiguous loss means I can’t be happy.”
FACT: Grief is not a constant state of sadness. You can miss what has been lost, feel pain and uncertainty, and still experience joy, connection, and meaningful moments. Happiness does not cancel out grief - it exists alongside it. To find moments of happiness does not mean you have forgotten or accepted the ambiguous loss. It means you are adapting to a reality that is uncertain. Check out our Ways to Cope page.
MYTH:
Finding closure is necessary with ambiguous loss.
FACT: Many ambiguous losses never have clear endings or answers. Pauline Boss says, “There is no such thing as closure. We have to live with loss, clear or ambiguous”… “Instead of searching for closure, we search for meaning and new hope”… “Continuing to use the term ‘closure’ perpetuates the myth that losses and grief have a prescribed time for ending - or never starting - and that it’s emotionally healthier to close the door on suffering than to face it and learn to live with it.”
Finding closure is necessary with ambiguous loss.
FACT: Many ambiguous losses never have clear endings or answers. Pauline Boss says, “There is no such thing as closure. We have to live with loss, clear or ambiguous”… “Instead of searching for closure, we search for meaning and new hope”… “Continuing to use the term ‘closure’ perpetuates the myth that losses and grief have a prescribed time for ending - or never starting - and that it’s emotionally healthier to close the door on suffering than to face it and learn to live with it.”
MYTH:
Ambiguous loss is a ‘living bereavement’.
FACT: Bereavement specifically refers to the loss of someone through death. Ambiguous loss refers to a loss where there is no clear resolution, certainty, or socially recognised ending like a funeral. Although it can feel like someone has died, the person or thing that is lost may still be physically present, or physically absent but psychologically present. Sometimes someone can be ‘presumed dead’ in some circumstances, but this is still an ambiguous loss as it is unknown. Also, some ambiguous losses can include suicide and miscarriage due to elements of uncertainty or unanswered questions, or difficulty making sense of what has happened.
Ambiguous loss is a ‘living bereavement’.
FACT: Bereavement specifically refers to the loss of someone through death. Ambiguous loss refers to a loss where there is no clear resolution, certainty, or socially recognised ending like a funeral. Although it can feel like someone has died, the person or thing that is lost may still be physically present, or physically absent but psychologically present. Sometimes someone can be ‘presumed dead’ in some circumstances, but this is still an ambiguous loss as it is unknown. Also, some ambiguous losses can include suicide and miscarriage due to elements of uncertainty or unanswered questions, or difficulty making sense of what has happened.
MYTH:
Ambiguous grief is real.
FACT: The ambiguity isn’t in the grief; it’s in the loss. Grief is the response to ambiguous loss and it can be lots of types of grief, but it isn’t ambiguous. Grief can come in waves and feel confusing, but it itself is not uncertain. The term 'ambiguous grief' risks minimising how someone is feeling and doesn't correctly explain the response to ambiguous loss. Pauline Boss expressed this to Chloe Swinton in February 2026.
Ambiguous grief is real.
FACT: The ambiguity isn’t in the grief; it’s in the loss. Grief is the response to ambiguous loss and it can be lots of types of grief, but it isn’t ambiguous. Grief can come in waves and feel confusing, but it itself is not uncertain. The term 'ambiguous grief' risks minimising how someone is feeling and doesn't correctly explain the response to ambiguous loss. Pauline Boss expressed this to Chloe Swinton in February 2026.
MYTH:
Grief is an emotion.
FACT: Grief is a complex human response to ambiguous loss that includes many emotions, thoughts, physical sensations, behaviours, and changes in how we relate to the world. See our Impact of Grief page for more information.
Grief is an emotion.
FACT: Grief is a complex human response to ambiguous loss that includes many emotions, thoughts, physical sensations, behaviours, and changes in how we relate to the world. See our Impact of Grief page for more information.
MYTH:
Ambiguous loss is a medical diagnosis.
FACT: Ambiguous loss is a term used to understand a particular type of loss experience - it is not a mental health diagnosis or disorder. It describes the distress, uncertainty, and challenges people may experience when a loss lacks clarity or recognition. While ambiguous loss can contribute to grief, stress, anxiety, or other emotional responses, the experience itself is not an illness.
Ambiguous loss is a medical diagnosis.
FACT: Ambiguous loss is a term used to understand a particular type of loss experience - it is not a mental health diagnosis or disorder. It describes the distress, uncertainty, and challenges people may experience when a loss lacks clarity or recognition. While ambiguous loss can contribute to grief, stress, anxiety, or other emotional responses, the experience itself is not an illness.
NEED SUPPORT?
Exploring and expressing your grief in a safe environment with a qualified trauma-informed Therapist can help you make sense of your feelings, thoughts and behaviours in response to ambiguous loss.
"What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us." ~ Helen Keller
