Grief is a usual human response to a loss. However, when the loss is ambiguous, our grief can be complicated. Mourning is an outward expression of grief, which is often difficult when ambiguous loss is commonly unrecognised and unsupported in society, and cultural and religious customs are not usual in these circumstances.

In our All At Sea: Experiencing Ambiguous Loss report, our survey results showed the highest number of participants (58%) described their grief as ‘prolonged’. ​Over half of the participants (51%) described their grief as ‘traumatic distress’ and 44% as ‘ambiguous’. See the full responses at the bottom of this page. Participants of our Ambiguous Loss Survey (2024) spoke about their grief below.
There are many different kinds of grief and naming them (rather than pathologising) can help you understand, normalise and validate your experience. You may identify with some of the following types of grief associated with ambiguous loss.

PROLONGED GRIEF

Also known as complicated grief, this is common with ambiguous loss which is typically experienced over an extended period of time. Grief is intense and enduring, and interferes with daily life and the ability to function. Often the symptoms are severe and long lasting, and people can feel stuck or even numb.

TRAUMATIC GRIEF

This kind of grief usually occurs after a sudden or unexpected loss which is ambiguous, extreme and intense. It is overwhelming and affects our ability to cope. Feelings can be strong and frightening, with the trauma disrupting the grieving process. It is important to seek effective and appropriate support after a traumatic loss to prevent further complexities with mental health.

FROZEN GRIEF

Grief can become frozen or delayed when a loss isn’t accepted or overcome. This is often the case when the facts are unclear surrounding the loss but we keep trying to move forward with our life. Our brain ‘freezes’ the suffering as a way to cope but in the long run this type of grief will cause other problems from the strain of emotional containment. 

AMBIGUOUS GRIEF

Closely associated with ambiguous loss, often people don’t recognise they are actually grieving. Emotions can be complex, confusing, conflicting and change quickly. Like most ambiguous losses, the grief is more complex because the person is usually still alive.

DISENFRANCHISED GRIEF

Dr Kenneth Doka coined this term in 1989. He defines this concept as ‘grief that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, socially validated, or publicly supported’. It may be minimalised or invalidated by others which can lead to hiding our emotions and expression of grief which prevents us from mourning a loss and it may feel difficult to grieve the loss long term. 

ANTICIPATORY GRIEF

This may be experienced when a loss (or death) is imminent. A term coined by Eric Lindemann the 1940’s, this type of grief is likely with a diagnosis of an incurable disease when deterioration is expected; knowing a marriage is coming to an end, or preparing for emigration etc. Grief can begin long before.

GRIEF DESCRIPTIONS

The results of our Ambiguous Loss Survey in 2024 highlight how participants describe their grief. The meanings of these words were left open to personal interpretation

NEED SUPPORT?

Exploring and expressing your grief in a safe environment with a qualified trauma-informed Therapist can help you make sense of your feelings, thoughts and behaviours in response to ambiguous loss.
“Ambiguous loss can freeze the grief process. People can't get over it, they can't move forward, they're frozen in place.”
~ Pauline Boss